


Fly

by HufflepuffleMarauder



Series: Flightless [1]
Category: Kung Fu Panda (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bojack Horseman reference, Character Development, Gen, Headcanon, Mild Language, Suicidal Thoughts, Teasing, character backstory, like 2 swear words it's nothing drastic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23785849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HufflepuffleMarauder/pseuds/HufflepuffleMarauder
Summary: Crane couldn't always fly.
Relationships: Crane & Mantis (Kung Fu Panda), Crane & Monkey (Kung Fu Panda), Crane & Po (Kung Fu Panda), Crane & Tigress (Kung Fu Panda), Crane & Viper (Kung Fu Panda)
Series: Flightless [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928191
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Fly

**Author's Note:**

> I've slept on this fic for a long time and it turned out way angstier than I thought it would, but don't worry there is a happy end.
> 
> WARNING: Towards the end of act 1 there are suicidal thoughts and minor attempted suicide PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS WILL TRIGGER YOU

_Breathe_. Just a look over the edge was enough to make him tremble in anticipation. The cliff side had sharp, jagged rocks jutting out, _make sure to avoid that,_ perfect for spearing himself on for a bloody end. The river underneath loomed and shrank before his eyes, suddenly seeming a lot further away than before. He blinked hurriedly in an attempt to calm the race of his tiny heart. _It's just water, it's just water_. Screwing his eyes shut tight he forced himself to breathe at a steady pace, the opposite to the rapid, erratic gasps from earlier. _Calm down_. Sight now shrouded in darkness, the image of rushing dark water crashing against the rocks was engraved into his mind. Although he'd rather the water consume him than the tremendous height of the cliff he was standing on. 

  
Jia took a deep breath and stepped away from the edge.

  
It was with stupid irony, that as a bird, he could not get over his fear of heights. 

  
For the majority of birds, flying came naturally, and by the age of six their golden brown fluff had matured into huge feathery wings. And not soon after that they could glide along happily with everyone else. For some birds, it was a little harder. They were coined 'late-bloomers' and were the source of everyone's pity. For Jia, he was in this minority with wings that didn't grow fast enough to catch up with the rest of him. However, once reaching the age of eight, all the other late-bloomers were suddenly spending their time in the air, while Jia was left on the ground to hide the reason he _really_ couldn't fly. 

  
It was such a stupid, embarrassing, _irrational_ phobia. 

  
Every so often he would go to an edge of a cliff that didn't look too high from where he'd been standing at a safe spot on the ground. Jia felt that if he put himself in a dangerous situation then he'd be forced to flap with all his might. He would stretch his wings out wide in preparation and take a deep breath with a little inner pep talk. Then he would run towards that edge like there was no tomorrow... to only skid to a halt when his wings plastered themselves to his sides and his common sense kicked in. _If I fell I could die, and how embarrassing that would be._

  
It seemed to be no use, and as the days wore on Jia became more and more miserable with his life on the ground. Walking was very normal to him, but it's not like he was content with that. Every waking hour he'd hear the odd flap of wings and feel the brief rush of air brush past him and ruffle his feathers. 

  
That was the part he wanted to feel most. That brief moment of exhilaration. When the others would fly their feathers trembled magnificently and their wings spanned to great measures, causing large and looming shadows on the ground. 

  
It soon became apparent to the village that Jia was the only one born the year of the Snake who was not yet off the ground. He had friends of course, but those friends could never understand his struggle with flying. (He was a _bird_ for crying out loud, how could anyone possibly understand?) Those friends were merely school buddies, and were not entirely sympathetic about what they knew of his situation. 

  
"We're flying off to the edge of the green cliff later. " Yi Yong said casually while stretching his impressive wings out in the sun. "Care to join us, Jia?" The slant in his eyes made the gentle teasing border on something very insensitive. 

  
Jia opened and closed his beak a couple of times, feeling the heat of embarrassment travel to his face. 

  
"I guess that's a no then, once again." Feng rolled his eyes and kicked one of Jia's spindly legs in playful teasing. 

  
The kick rendered him to a small stumble and Jia was reminded of a time when his legs were too weak to hold his weight. They both laughed at him (to which Jia unwillingly joined in) with their beaks open and without empathy. This was how most days went with his friends. Except with more birds, more wings and more flying. 

  
In time, Jia would look back on his younger years and realise that these birds were never his friends. It took Viper turning up to his room with a pot of Oolong tea, Monkey snickering with him behind some barrels, Mantis jumping on his hat and yelling encouragement through his ear, Po telling him how big of a fan he was for so many years and Tigress paying high attention to his fragility during their spars for him to realise what good friends were. But unfortunately he had not reached that point in his life. 

  
His friends weren't entirely all bad. They had fun times, as you were supposed to when you were young. But a lot of the more memorable moments involved him being left on the ground while they flew in extravagant circles above his head. And for many years Jia satisfied himself with this, knowing that deep down it was a punishment from the universe for being scared of something ridiculous. So according to this, Jia didn't really have many fun times. The thought saddened him slightly as an adult, but he would tell himself firmly that childhood was a fleeting moment in life and only served the purpose of building character.

"I'm tired, I think I'll just go home."

"Fine, but I don't know how your parents are alright with you walking everywhere." Feng commented casually.

Jia averted his eyes, trying not to fidget.

"Come on Feng, Zhang is already waiting for us." Said Yi Yong, and they both flew away, leaving a gust of wind that made Jia forget where he was momentarily.   
  
Jia heaved a sigh of relief. _Finally_ , he was left alone. He made his way back home at a fast trot ignoring, as he always did, the stares from the other birds. Once in the comfort of his room Jia took out a canvas and placed it gently on the ground. Taking a paintbrush in his talons he made a splash of colour, striking against the white. Instantly, his racing heart was calmed and the tension in his wings was eased. When the Furious Five was first formed Jia was relieved he was able to keep up with this little hobby of his. In Li Dai academy he never had the chance, being the janitor took up all the time and energy he had. And if the other students had found out, _that would not have been a good thing_ , he said to Viper years ago when she was curious about his painting. It felt... good. Amazing, even to be appreciated for something that, for much of his life, he kept very private. When they were younger, Viper tended to slither into his room after a hard day of training and berating from Shifu. She would sit and watch him paint idyllic things like rivers, cherry blossoms, breaking of dawn and cliffs. The cliffs gave him exhilaration, but he would never tell her that, never tell anyone. Besides, she never asked, while being very nosy she also had quite a lot of tact. Something Jia was very grateful for as the rest of his comrades didn't know what it was to be tactful. 

  
But back in the present, as far as Jia knew it, his life was to stay the same. Very firmly on the ground.

  
Until a few months later there was an incident. 

  
After finishing a day at school learning about the anatomy of a crane, Jia was feeling thoroughly put out. There were a few rare kids who wanted to become doctors, and so paid full attention to what they were being taught. But the majority became bored and soon Jia felt eleven pairs of eyes on him when the word "wings" was uttered. 

  
And soon the whispering started.

  
"...walks everywhere..."

  
"You think he actually can't-?"

  
"-pathetic"

  
"...parents should take him to the doctor."

  
"He's hardly a bird anymore..."

  
The teacher tapped her talons loudly on the floor. "Do not talk while I am trying to teach, rudeness will not be tolerated!"

  
Someone raised their wing. "But miss, we were wondering if it was normal for a crane to not be able to fly." 

  
Jia knew that this was the most embarrassing day of his life. The only one that came at a close second was the time Kai managed to turn him into jade without so much as a scuffle. Oh how horrible it felt to be thrown back with a flick of a finger. And how humiliating it was that his friends made excuses for him. He was filled with shame as he told Shifu his inability to fight without the others having his back, which was the mark of a bad kung fu master. But at least that time there was no one to witness his pitiful defeat.

  
On this day, however, there was a class full of cranes who could very much fly. 

  
Jia wanted to hide his face and never have to see a single bird ever again.

  
The question flustered their teacher slightly and she attempted an answer that would not draw even more attention to Jia. "Well obviously cranes are meant to fly - if you know what I mean - but there are some who would perhaps choose not to - or have abnormal wings."

  
"What kind of abnormality?"

  
"Now we're not looking at that right now." She dodged the question remarkably badly, Jia thought. "Moving on from anatomy we have nutritional needs..."

  
Jia closed his eyes, leaving his head downcast in an effort to make himself invisible. He knew it was useless, and in that moment he really wished he had a hat to tip over his eyes. 

  
Once the school day was finished Jia felt the rope constricting his ribcage lessen, and he let his head look up to the sky, where all the other cranes were flying in different directions. He didn't want to face his friends and re-live his humiliation. However, Feng, Yi Yong and Zhang were already waiting for him. He narrowed his eyes, Jia was not in the mood for teasing. 

  
They all exchanged a look and Feng spoke up. "I'm going to go and get some noodles from the restaurant down the street." 

  
"Yeah we'll come with you." Yi Yong said, sensing that this was not the time to talk about flying. "Zhang?"

  
Zhang however, had not been listening and was looking at Jia curiously. He always had a tad more sympathy than the others, never wanting to join in the teasing but also becoming a bystander. He sometimes tried to be a good friend, but still managed to miss the mark in the worst way possible. "Are you sure you're... well - normal?" Zhang looked at him earnestly enough that Jia almost brushed it off, but the fire burning inside him was not embarrassment anymore and he decided that he'd had enough. 

  
In a rare flash of anger Jia flapped his wings and gripped the ground with his talons. "What do you mean normal?" He growled trying, but failing to keep his voice low and controlled. 

  
Zhang shrunk back. "I didn't - I wasn't -"

  
"Why did you have to say it! At least everyone else could keep their mouths shut!" Jia later knew he would only feel this kind of rage when Shen fired a cannonball at his friends. He breathed heavily, trying to stay in control. "Do you not think I've thought about this? Do you think I'm unaware that for fourteen _fucking_ years I was all anyone could talk about!" 

  
He knew it was unfair to take out his anger on Zhang. The guy had never intentionally said a word against him, he didn't deserve an awful rant. But in that moment Jia had no idea how to control this anger that overcame him. After getting to know Tigress he realised that anger was a second emotion. The first was usually sadness, or anything dark and horrible like that. (Tigress would never admit it, and Jia would never said it out loud, but a lot of her early anger came from being desperately unhappy) The older, wiser Jia would stop, take a deep breath, apologise, and walk away. But Jia now was ready to explode. 

  
His 'friends' looked at him in fear. This only spurred him on. "You all stand there and say that I'm a freak of nature!" He was yelling by now, so much that he couldn't hear his own voice. "This is _horrible_ for me and no one understands!" _Don't cry don't cry don't fucking cry._ "How do you think it feels to be the only bird who can't fly! Everyday you all stare and talk about how I'm _not normal_!" 

  
He looked away from them aware of the tears forming in his eyes. "You would never understand! You - you wouldn't ever want to! I - I -" He stopped taking a shuddering breath. "I'm leaving." 

  
Jia turned round, and walked away.

  
He didn't know how long he had walked for, but long enough for the sobs to stop, for his face to turn to stone and his heart to numb. He didn't know where he was going, until he arrived.

  
_Breathe_. Just a look over the edge was enough to make him tremble in anticipation.

  
Jia was standing on top of the highest cliff nature had to offer. Fear engulfed him, just as it had done all his life, but he found he wasn't so scared anymore. He'd been driven to his breaking point. And he'd exploded, lost control. Jia knew that he wasn't going back to the village any time soon, so what now? _Now you jump_. If he jumped, there was a 90 percent chance of falling to his death. Flashes zoomed through his mind of his loved ones (and now ex-friends) crying over his lifeless body. He smirked, that way his secret could be safe forever and he'd make his peers pay for their bullying. And at this point nothing was left for him, so it was a win-win situation. Jia couldn't help but wince slightly at his cruel thoughts. On the other hand, there was also a 10 percent chance he _didn't die_. That meant _actually flying_. And how amazing would that be. 

  
Jia took a step back and weighed his options. Dying was fine by him. And flying was definitely fine. 

  
_Here it goes_. He looked up at the sky. "Goodbye world, I won't miss you." His voice was strong and calm, in juxtaposition to his racing heart.   
Jia took a few steps back, and ran towards his fate. 

  
He jumped. 

  
This time he did not think about stretching his wings. He did not think about who was going to catch him. He did not think of anything but the wind in his face. _Oh what a pleasant feeling._

  
As he got halfway down, he realised he'd only ever seen the view from the top of the cliff. The view was different in a way he would have never been able to guess. Closer to the bottom he could hear the river flowing fiercely and feel the sun on his back. It was... peaceful. 

  
Until it wasn't. 

  
Suddenly his vision cleared and he knew the view from halfway down granted him the peace he's so wished for. He wanted to keep this moment forever, paint it, dream of it. But he was going to die, and he would cease to exist. No! _I change my mind! I don't want to!_ Jia knew he'd give anything to touch the cliff up top. _I wish I didn't jump!_

  
But he was halfway down, what could slow the drop. A feeling of horrible regret came over him, much worse than anything he'd ever feared. If he fell, then that was it. His life would be over and he'd never have the chance to say a proper goodbye, or embark on an adventure, or even travel away from the village. So he spread his wings. In that moment, he knew he had to keep the view from halfway down. 

  
The wind, which for so long had considered him an enemy caught in his large wings. He flapped with all his might and found himself moving forward. He rose up and up and up and his mind slowed to a stop. _I'm flying!_ Flapping furiously he looked down at the view that so taunted him.

  
"Thank you." It was so quiet that only the trees would hear him, but that was enough. 

  
Jia breathed in beautiful gulps of air and bathed in the golden light of the sun, laughing in the face of death. 

* * *

  
"Did you guys know that my dad can _fly_!?" Po said excitedly, a noodle dangling from his lip after messily draining his bowl. 

  
Monkey and Mantis gave him wide-eyed stares. "No!" Monkey gasped sarcastically.

  
"Who would've thought?" Mantis said equally as sarcastic.

  
"I know right!" Po held his head in both paws as an expression of amazement. 

This earned them both a whipping from Viper's tail. "They're being sarcastic Po."

  
"But I've never _seen_ him fly!" Po gave them all a helpless look. 

  
"He's a bird, Po." Crane deadpanned from the back of the kitchen, filling his bowl with more noodle soup. 

  
"And a goose, just like Zheng." Tigress said with a raised eyebrow, as if the answer was obvious. 

  
"But most geese in the Valley of Peace don't fly." Po said, scratching his head in thought.

  
"I always guessed it was because the Valley is inhabited by mostly land animals," Viper said while pouring herself some more tea. "if you think about it, it would be pretty rude for all the geese to be flying around while everyone else walked and-" Viper stopped abruptly and everyone at the table turned round to look at Crane, who was still helping himself to more food.

  
He froze. "What?"

  
"What an impertinent bird." Monkey remarked, mocking Shifu's gruff voice and using his chopsticks as a wooden flute to hit Mantis with.

  
"Get _off_ Monkey!" Mantis gave Monkey a powerful kick and a glare then turned back to Crane. "You always like to think you're the politest out of all of us - and now _Viper_ has called you out!"

  
"I'm not 'calling him out', I'm just saying that flying amongst us land animals is a bit-"

  
Monkey ignored Viper and pointed at Crane using his chopstick with a cube of tofu speared on the end. "You fly in the barracks, the kitchen, the courtyard-" He ticked each off in an imaginary list using his tofu.

  
"And in battle when we _need_ him to fly." Tigress interrupted Monkey and took his tofu with her own chopsticks. "It's not like he's the same species as Mr Ping anyway." 

  
"But guys, that's not the discussion we're having-" Viper started before she was interrupted by Mantis.

  
"But why _do_ you fly everywhere?" Mantis asked, deciding it was better if the bird in question could give his own statement. 

  
Crane's wings twitched involuntarily. "I don't know... I guess it just feels... natural."

  
In all honesty, sometimes flying felt anything but natural. He supposed it was from spending so many years stuck on the ground and scared to move his wings or even look over the edge of a cliff. There were some days when he'd wake up and start walking, forgetting that he was no longer acrophobic. He would wake up, walk, eat some food, walk, go to the training hall, feel a brief nervousness at how high the Jade Tortoise was, and realise that his wings could very much be used. Those days were few and far between, and flying out to the courtyard and over his friends' heads felt as exhilarating as it always did.

  
"See? It's just like how Monkey walks on all fours." Tigress said, ready to end their pointless and petty arguing. 

  
"Ok but that still doesn't explain why my dad doesn't fly..." 

  
Crane found himself oddly comfortable with his friends discussing his flying. Frankly, he didn't care. He even found it funny. _Now that's growth_ , he thought fondly to himself. If this had taken place years ago, he would have squirmed and choked for air. (A sad thought was that if this took place with a group of other birds, he would not have been as content) But these friends were land animals, and argued over petty things and admired him in battle. They were the best friends he'd ever known (apart from good old Mei Ling of course) and he honestly could not have asked for more.

  
"That's not the _point_ though," Monkey landed a determined fist on the table. "the point is if Viper is calling out Crane for being _rude_!"

  
"Ok I never said that-"

  
Tigress ignored them and gave Po the most logical answer he needed. "Po, your dad's kitchen was built for a goose, the ceiling is even too low for you to stand up in so obviously he wouldn't need to fly to reach higher up places."

  
Po breathed a relieved sigh at his question was given a good answer. "My only reliable friend," He smiled at her lovingly. "unlike these guys." They both looked at Viper, Mantis and Monkey, who were now in a heated debate.

  
"Viper, you said that if they fly then it's rude-"

  
"No I didn't Mantis!" She swatted him angrily with her tail. "It was a HYPOTHESIS!"

  
"So were you wondering about whether Crane was being rude or...?" Monkey knew he was pushing her limits, but this was far too fun. 

  
"Not Crane specifically!"

  
"But was it implied?"

  
Viper rolled her eyes so much it hurt. " _No_!" 

  
"Shen didn't fly much." Mantis wondered out loud, holding back a laugh.

  
Po and Tigress both looked at Crane, who shrugged, quite happy keeping his input at a minimum.

  
" _Do not bring other people into this argument_!" 

  
"Alright alright settle down..."

  
Monkey saw the metaphorical cliff and jumped right over it knowing but not caring there were consequences. "I thought you were against arguments! Viper you hypocrite!"

  
Viper felt at her wits end and looked to Crane, the only bird in their vicinity and her closest ally, for support. 

  
He smirked at her evilly, knowing he'd have to face her wrath later. "Not my argument." And flew over the table and out the dining room, to the cheers of Monkey and Mantis and quiet laughter of Tigress and Po. 

**Author's Note:**

> (at the end it sounds like Viper is being ganged up on but it's all fun and games ya know)
> 
> I drew on my own experiences of being teased and bullied to write the segments with Crane and his friends, I didn't want to make it too realistic because I didn't want to become a potatoe of misery.
> 
> I used Jia as in this fandom I've read that usually people write his name as Jien or Jia or some variation of that, and it felt very fitting.
> 
> Fun fact: Yi Yong is my brother's name and it means "indomitable will" and it felt right.
> 
> Also there's a Bojack Horseman reference in there because I love that show and it's great.
> 
> I hope the ending wasn't too abrupt, I didn't feel like writing a segment where Crane pours out his heart and his innermost secrets because that's quite out of character for him. So I settled on some good old banter. This is my first and probably not last fic in this fandom, please let me know if you enjoyed and leave some criticism down below as I'm trying out a new writing style! (and say something if I overused the itallics)
> 
> Thank you for reading! xx


End file.
